When 50 Shades of Grey Becomes Blue Valentine: What Leads to Divorce
What Leads to Divorce in Texas Households when Reality Imitates 50 Shades of Grey and Blue Valentine
Like the iconic book and movie, 50 Shades of Grey, people are turned on by the thrill of a dramatic romance; also like the book and movie Blue Valentine, a romantic relationship can spiral out of control and which leads to divorce in Texas.
What happens when people no longer like their spouse? Many married couples admit some level of feeling disconnected from their spouse at times. Marriages take work, and date nights are important, to keep the thrill of romance alive. Along the way people make efforts at keeping the spark alive, sometimes mimicking themes in movies like 50 Shades of Grey. Sometimes those urges cause people to stray and wonder who else may be out there, and whether to stay in a marriage. Yes, you can love someone and no longer like them.
When couples start battling because they are boiling over internally, buttons and limits get pushed. People test boundaries and see what they can get away with, and sometimes it’s a cry for attention, and other times it’s a passive-aggressive declaration of war.
Southlake divorce attorney Leslie Barrows often hears clients report moving from wondering to knowing the marriage is over, often admitting to themselves a mix of causes leading to the breakdown. But when they are done, they are done.
People Live for Love and Passion, We Are Emotional Beings Sometimes Acting Irrationally
Intimacy is a feeling of security with love and passion, with our partner with whom we commit to share life and raise great families. Insecurity is a problem when we can no longer trust someone we gave our heart to. We live for love and passion, we watch romantic movies and look to live out the fantasy story we write in our heads. But when that intimacy is lacking and we start feeling alone and insecure, we can develop trust issues that cause us to question emotions, when emotions change.
Major life events can be a leading cause of relationship problems. When we expect our partner to respond as we want, we can be let down. How do we know whether we are the ones who are handling things wrong or whether our spouse is the problem? The reality is people change. Another reality is people mask and lie to themselves and others. Sometimes lifestyle changes like retirement cause people in long-term marriages to admit they no longer live in love and passion for one another. Lack of intimacy and major life events and lifestyle changes can lead to divorce.
The Thrill of Dramatic Romance: Do We Want What We Cannot Have?
Many fans of the 50 Shades of Grey movie were thrilled by a story of dramatic romance, the type most people do not experience, which begs the question for people who wonder who else may be out there. Do we have a soulmate, and is there only one soul mate for every person, these are common questions and themes in entertainment, leading us to often want what we perceive we cannot have.
Psych Central Article: Why Do We Want the People We Can’t Have? 9 Reasons
Sometimes we take what we can get thinking we can’t get what we want. Why do people limit themselves? Is it by the nature of their raising and experience growing up? Sometimes it takes people more time to come into themselves and knows who they are. Life events like the death of parents, job change, and relocation cause people to reinvent themselves and assert their independence. When we decide to go after what we thought we couldn’t have, we feel empowered to go after the thrill of dramatic romance, at any time in our life, and when the clock is ticking, some say that life is short, just get the divorce.
What Happens When We Get What We Want, and it Turns Out Wrong?
Buyer's remorse can be another problem when we decide to go for the person we were told to avoid. Stick to the reliable partner who will be there rain or shine, parents say, but sometimes we want to take risks and go for the people who turn us on and give us the rush of passion and good drama. But like in the Blue Valentine story, that passion and drama can turn around and bite us.
Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it – good advice at times. Sometimes affairs are the product of wondering if the grass is greener somewhere else. Sometimes the grass appears greener, and we realize it is all an illusion. Sometimes people pursue passion and realize that satisfies an internal need. Sometimes people get burned in the process of putting passion first. Oftentimes, straying from a marriage brings a couple closer when they realize what they have was worth more than they knew.
Sometimes we convince ourselves that our problems are passion-oriented when the reality is a problem of people feeling secure. In marriage counseling, the insecurities people feel are more tied to the basics of life and rooted in financial matters. Even if we focus on passion, the underlying problem can be tied to financial insecurity, something few will readily admit.
Preparing Yourself to File for Divorce, Protecting Your Kids and Your Money
Whether underlying financial issues or the breakdown of a passionate relationship is what leads to divorce in Texas, it is important to hire the best family lawyer you can to protect your kids and protect your money. How you divorce depends on the circumstances, and when something serious happens, you need the best divorce lawyer who knows how to win.
Wall Street Journal: A High-Stakes Divorce Illustrates How the Rich Play Real-Estate Tug of War– story of a Houston billionaire accused of using complex webs of trusts and LLCs to prevent the wife from accessing cash or the 13 homes they acquired together!
Emergency relief may be available when you file for a divorce or protective order. Soon after a divorce is filed you may have a temporary orders hearing to determine where the kids go and who pays for what during the divorce. Often the temporary terms become permanent arrangements. The divorce and child custody process is different for everyone and what matters most is protecting your kids, your money, and your rights and options. Leslie Barrows and her team of attorneys and paralegals at the Barrows Firm in Southlake are there to guide you through the process and help you position yourself and your kids to win.