Stubborn couple avoid talk ignoring each other after fight

Divorce on the Horizon: When People No Longer Like Their Spouse

Author: 
Leslie Barrows
 | Published: 
October 7, 2021
 | Category: 
Divorce

What Happens When People No Longer Like Their Spouse?

Couples are unhappy when they are not getting what they need from each other, leading to contempt and feeling they no longer like their spouse. Marriages take constant work, and it is very easy to let things go. Some couples unintentionally alienate themselves from one another and end up like roommates with children.

Contempt for another comes from all kinds of sources. When a spouse is doing or not doing something that causes a growing annoyance, all the other irritating thoughts seem to arise from out of nowhere, breathing life and validation into feeling they just don’t like them anymore. Initially, people feel guilty for having negative feelings and thoughts about the person they loved so much they vowed to remain with them until death.

Deciding to divorce is never easy, and not all spouses who no longer like one another decide to get divorced, at least not right away. There are all kinds of opinions about whether it is better to stay together for the kids, and for every family, that decision is unique. At the end of the day, parents should consider their relationships in terms of how it affects their children and their best interests.

When divorce is the right choice for a family and child custody is a focused issue, among property division and others, the Barrows Firm in Southlake is available for consultation to learn rights, options, and potential next steps. Call (817) 481-1583 for Divorce and Family Law Attorney Leslie Barrows at the Barrows Firm.

Huffpost: Coming to Grips With Not Being in Love With Your Spouse Anymore

Married with Babies, Couples Figure Out They No Longer Like their Spouses

Over time, things that bug other people on the surface, seem to work as signals that there is something wrong on a deeper, internal level. Just like we listen to our bodies about our health, we should learn to listen to our observations and intuitions about how we react to people, especially our spouses. Sometimes it starts as little joked we make about one another in front of other people that seem innocent enough, but underneath we could be laying the groundwork and battlefield for something wicked to come.

Root causes of spousal irritation can stem from not feeling satisfied to feeling lied to or betrayed somehow. And financial issues surprisingly outrank fidelity problems when looking at the breakdown of most marriages. When one spouse is a saver and the other is a spender it can feel like drowning, and instead of reaching for a lifeline, too many just tread water, hoping to keep up to get a breath now and then.

Children growing older and growing up are a common force of distraction and impending need so that many couples don’t have enough time to even realize they have their problems because they are dealing with kid issues all the time. Only when the smoke clears, or when everyone is on top of each other during vacations or holidays, do the deeper problems rear their head.

Can You Love Someone and Not Like Them?

Yes, you can deeply love someone but not like them for a list of reasons. Especially in the ending of long-term marriages, some say they will always love the other one, with who they raised a great family, but they just don’t want to live with them anymore or need their daily input.

Whether growing dislike or irritation gives rise to the decision to divorce and separate assets and property depends on the couple. Especially if children are grown and out of the house, it is easier to divorce, knowing custody and children’s expenses will not be divorce issues.

Redbook: 17 Signs You’re In an Unhappy or Loveless Marriage

Significant Life Events Can Be Gamechangers in Marriages

While it is more common to hear about the loss of a child leading to divorce, having children can also change a couple’s relationship to the point of no return. For some, the dynamic of having children changes things. Being a young couple without kids, life can be fantastic and seemingly limitless. The moment a couple brings their first newborn home, the reality hits that life as they knew it has changed. Not everyone is ready to be a parent and sometimes, the reality is they know they do not want to be a parent married to their spouse.

Career and money issues can also be too much to bear when problems arise between spouses, and they are never really solved. When promises are not kept and job and financial stress grow, it can lead to a point of no return.

Rebuilding Relationships and Marriages in Crisis

Substance abuse and addiction problems can put marriages in tailspins, and it can take some work, but with help, these problems can be overcome. Sometimes a spouse’s excessive drinking or addictive behavior of whatever kind causes the other spouse to start disliking everything the other does. And when the underlying problem that makes the other the maddest is addressed and corrected, relationships can be rebuilt. Unfortunately, it takes both parties to want to make the effort to fix things and sometimes ego gets in the way and there is no going back.

Doing What is in the Child’s Best Interest, First

Waking up one day to realize you no longer like your spouse does not mean you can just walk out the door and move along with your life if you have kids with that person. In most divorces with children, there is an element of contested child custody and visitation when both parents believe they would be the better primary parent who can determine where the children will reside.

Keeping children safe, in a positive and nurturing environment is crucial to their development and growth as healthy young people. While children certainly survive divorce, how much they go through, and what they experience, is something to consider.

Psychology Today: Should You Stay Together Only for the Kids?

Learning from the Experience, Moving Forward

After divorce, getting married, and having children are life options people approach with better care and judgment after living through what they consider life mistakes. When something is learned, something is gained, and when dating again, the wise person knows what to look for based on collective life experience. And when some people notice, they keep getting attracted to the wrong people, or bad experiences seemingly seek them out, there might be something to find in the mirror if one is patient enough.

Mental Health Professionals for Self-Care

Accepting one’s mental health concerns is for a lack of a better description, healthy. Nobody is always happy and productive in life. We all have limits in what we can bear. Even if the process simply provides self-assurance that everything is okay, a relationship with a mental health professional can be very helpful and inspiring.

As we move through life at different stages, we find the spot to place more of the puzzle pieces that make up the mosaic of our lives. And when the puzzle becomes clearer and we understand our own needs better, divorce might be on the horizon. And when it is, we should make certain we handle difficult situations the best we can with an eye on a brighter future.  

The Barrows Firm for Divorce Consultation in Southlake, Call (817) 481-1583