Lack of Intimacy and Divorce: Major Life Events and Lifestyle Changes

Leslie Barrows
 | Published: 
November 9, 2022
 | Category: 

Lack of Intimacy and Divorce: Arising Out of Major Life Events and Lifestyle Changes

Lack of intimacy and divorce are problems for people experiencing major life events and lifestyle changes that challenge their status quo. Major life events and stressors can disrupt people. When some people can adapt and function well, other people might stop and consider changing paths over a lack of intimacy and divorce.

Without adding negative judgment or stigma, people can accept that life can change, and people can change. Whether we are flexible and self-aware to the point we can adapt when major life changes disrupt intimacy and marriage.

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Can lack of intimacy be fixed? Of course! There are plenty of times that we need time to ourselves to adapt to life and we might be less intimate. Or there could be a direct problem we have with ourselves or our partner that runs deep and needs addressing. Every marriage is unique and unpacking stress from life and busy families can help or hurt situations. Sometimes we start waking up to the reality that we are different people and it change is overdue.

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When intimacy problems are beyond repair and the marriage relationship is over, divorce can be amicable or challenging. At the Barrows Firm in Southlake, Leslie Barrows is an experienced and, when necessary, aggressive family law trial lawyer with the right strategy and team for winning results when it matters most.

Major Events and Lifestyle Changes Affecting Intimacy in Marriage and Lead to Divorce

Families experiencing a new birth, marriage, divorce, or death in the family are usually operating under significant stress. People are on their toes and full of emotions with hyper-awareness of themselves and others getting used to a major life event. Sometimes major events are planned, and everyone has been building with anticipation, and other times big changes come out of nowhere and nobody is prepared. Unexpected lifestyle changes and trauma affect intimacy in marriage and lead to divorce.

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Trauma triggers different emotions in people and intimacy in a marriage can easily be interrupted. When someone doesn’t feel safe, they might reach out more, and some shut off and become withdrawn. While taking time to heal and be alone, all sorts of thoughts and emotions may lead people to confusion about what they want and where they are in life. The last thing anyone should do is try to force another to feel a certain way, if at all.

Job changes and contested financial problems can lead to intimacy problems. One spouse could be mad at the other over small things that become bigger problems over time. When one spouse is a saver and the other a spender, fights erupt when there’s a financial emergency and stress over money. Is it all about the money? Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, no.

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What now? When raising children your every moment seems spent focused on others until one day it appears you have time and space to yourself again. When one thinks intimacy may no longer be a concern, it maybe come a major concern for different reasons.

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How do we adjust when we are no longer required to live in the role of parent from day to day? The empty nest experience can also cause people to stop and consider their age and health. Do they like what they see in the mirror or do they want to make some personal changes?

When living with your spouse and operating in a parent role for so many years, it can be easy to become more like roommates and coworkers than lovers. When the spark is not there, and the spark is difficult to reignite, intimacy problems create emotions and anxiety with one or both partners.

Health and New Lifestyles Impacting Intimacy

Especially in recent years, we are increasingly aware of the importance of good health and fitness for longevity and disease prevention. When people decide to change some habits and get healthy, they may realize a few unintended consequences that affect relationships with others, affecting intimacy and sometimes leading to divorce. If for example, one spouse makes significant changes to diet and habits, the other may be left behind. The new healthy lifestyle choices may not be in favor of the other spouse, so they decide to engage in different activities. It all seems fine and well until they start figuring out that some of the vices in common were more instrumental to the relationship than anticipated.

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When new sobriety is a lifestyle change, the new life new lease on life one finds, might not include their partner, especially when they realize they were more drinking buddies than anything else. Among various substance users who quit, a common underpinning theme is figuring out why they were using substances to the point of addiction. And when figuring out the underlying problems, intimacy with our partners can suffer.

Waking Up to a Midlife Epiphany

At times we spend more time reflecting on ourselves and our lives. Sometimes when we question whether we are truly happy, we feel bored or anxious. A sense of wanderlust can develop in life. The list of things we wish we would have done when we were younger starts to pop up more frequently.

Often with empty nesters wanderlust can emerge, tempting people to try new things, live in new places, and do different things to earn money or spend their time and resources. Life is short and even though it might not have been in our plans, we never know when that day will come, we just need to make a change. And it is important to note that needing change does not always mean that we no longer love our spouse or need them in our lives, maybe we just no longer need to be married.

Lack of Intimacy Leads to Cheating

When your spouse does not appear interested, we might be more inclined to feel appreciated by someone who is interested and finds us attractive. Sometimes major events and lifestyle changes that disrupt intimacy can lead to an emotional affair, where nothing physical happens, but romantic feelings can develop. And even if temporary or a short-term fling, the very intention of cheating is enough for some to put thoughts in motion that lead to the outcome that it is time to end the marital partnership.

Some theorize that people who cheat want to get caught. Maybe it is easier to get caught cheating than to admit you are no longer interested in being intimate with your spouse. As noted earlier, the pursuit of attention from others can be what someone is looking for when they stray, and they never physically engage with another. However, as many agree, the effort, feelings, and intention that goes on with a romantic affair can be just as damaging and lead to a lack of intimacy and divorce.

Lack of Intimacy and Divorce Questions? Talk to the Family Lawyers at Barrows Firm in Southlake (817) 481-1583